It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
