I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
