if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
