hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
