so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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