I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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