Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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