I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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