I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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