I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
