the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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