what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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