Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
