you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
