i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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