I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
