about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
