just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
40s are totally the cure
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
