went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
