Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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