k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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