I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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