some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
