Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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