i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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