so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I could fuck to npr.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
