Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
