so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
