He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im six kinds of drunk right now
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
