her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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