It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
