I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
