I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
