I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
