first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
