It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
