Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Boobs speak an international language.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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