hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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