last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
