The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
