HIV tests are more positive than that guy
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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