I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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