oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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