I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
