Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
