Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
