I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
