3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
