Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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