lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
only you would photoshop your dick
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
