I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
