EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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