Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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