I cannot find my penis.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
