I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
